Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
