Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
