i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
