He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
