I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
