so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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