New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
