Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
God, I missed his penis.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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