if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
