my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
