do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
