he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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