He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
