so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
