great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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