Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
