he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just high enough for therapy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
