Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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