remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
