bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
