So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
