There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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