do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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