i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
