is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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