Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
