oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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