you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
