mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
