don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
