you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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