I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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