Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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