sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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