my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
