The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
