dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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