If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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