it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize