I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
