I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
