I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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