The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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