last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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