fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
