what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
