cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
