Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
