3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Randomize
