Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
