ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
