He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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