Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
