i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
