God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Even my vagina gasped.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
