Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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