I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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