he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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