the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
