I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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