I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
