i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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