Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
