put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
