Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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