it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
