yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
