you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He passed out mid-signature
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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