If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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