At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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