We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
