Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
