He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
