I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
this just has baby written all over it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
