New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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