I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
