once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize