The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
