help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
