i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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