Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
