Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
