It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
