I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
