Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
