don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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