Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
