We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize