The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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