you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize