Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
