I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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