I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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