I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
