Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize