sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
