The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
